The Call of Awareness

I am not as I think I am.

I don't believe myself to be an angry person, but today there was a moment, a presence, a feeling that shattered this illusion. It wasn't a dramatic experience.  The gates didn't burst open. The demons didn't spill out. But, there was a small fire...I felt it and really acknowledged it. And I wondered, how long have I been tending these embers; how much of who I truly am has it burned away; and most importantly, WHY the hell is it there?!

Questions which are so important for me to explore and discover--not just for my well-being but for the sister, daughter, wife, friend, neighbor, artist, poet, writer, hiker (etc...etc...) that I am. I guess journeys are not always meant to be easy breezy.

Yes, I felt a moment of anger. And, later in this very same day I also experienced moments of wonder--the call of a blue jay outside my window; the sound the leaves made when the wind brushed them from a tree and all at once they danced and swirled their way to the earth.

So for each of these moments, I give my thanks to being present today.